Lesbian 101: a millennial dyke perspective
My Coming Out Journey, by Heather Franck
Modern Femme Dyke
she/her/hers |
My Coming Out Journey
I remember the exact moment that my heart and brain made the connection, I am gay. I was watching independent films on VHS in my mom's basement, yep it was the early 2000s. I rented "But I'm a Cheerleader" from my local Blockbuster in Clearfield, Utah. It's a comedy about a retro themed conversion camp and I had an emotional and physical reaction as the two female main characters fell in love. Something deep down in my soul shifted. I suddenly saw myself in that story. I did not know it was an option to love other girls. I did not know that I could love other girls. I chose to come out as bisexual in my early college years when it felt safer. I was financially independent and living in dorms at Snow College. Let me clarify, by chose I mean that I started being involved in my local LGBTQ community. Unfortunately, I was outed before I was emotionally ready to tell my family. That was not my choice. |
"You are who you are, the trick is not getting caught!"
- Graham, the butch one |
One fabulous day In June 2001, I held hands with a cute red head in a Pride parade. The parade was televised and my sister spotted me on the nightly news. I was told that my sister fell off the couch in shock. She connected with the rest of my immediate family and poof, I became the rainbow sheep of my family.
At the time, claiming my sexual orientation as bisexual instead of lesbian felt safe. There is a problematic term in our community, "bi now, gay later" and I regretfully admit that I used that method to ease into to fully coming out later as a lesbian, dyke, queer, femme... give me all the labels!
At the time, claiming my sexual orientation as bisexual instead of lesbian felt safe. There is a problematic term in our community, "bi now, gay later" and I regretfully admit that I used that method to ease into to fully coming out later as a lesbian, dyke, queer, femme... give me all the labels!
Awkward School Portrait
circa 1993 Not gay yet Lincoln Elementary, Utah |
Identity Book Cover Workshop
Title: Fat Femme Subtitle: Stop apologizing for who you are 2nd Annual Flog 'em All |
Dyke with napping gay-by
12th Annual RedRox Music Festival Best known for showcasing musicians of all marginalized genders |
Fast forward to present day. My biggest passion is queer inclusion in community spaces, promoting safe spaces for all sexual and gender identities. I am a loud, out, proud dyke that serves as a leader in my community. I pass as straight in most public spaces, so I am known for using queer language as a means of outing myself. My favorite phrases to use are, "this is my primary partner" and "I'm listening to Indigo Girls on apple music".
Dyke holding rally sign
Trans March during Utah Pride Festival, SLC Utah |
"If you have the privilege of being out, be out in every way!" LGBTQ people living on coasts like the Bay Area and New York City have the privilege of existing where visibility isn’t as much is an issue. It’s safer to be queer outside of Idaho, but giving people the opportunity for visibility in Idaho ultimately makes other queers feel safe. Idaho consistently has one of the highest suicide rates in the nation, 8th in the country in 2016.
I started a Queer Visibility Campaign, which is a booth that educates both LGBTQ people and allies by offering a friendly safe space to ask questions and find community resources, as well as offers merchandise that visually showcases inclusion. With open conversations, educational handouts, and identity themed merchandise, the campaign aims to bring awareness to our unique community. Booth volunteers encourage people to explore by asking open ended questions and by listening to personal stories. |
My coming out journey was not easy, but it was 100% worth it! My one regret is that I didn't come out sooner. My wish for anyone reading my story is to never hold back or hide your identity, whatever that looks like for you. I wasted too many years not communicating to the people that I love who I truly am. It was exhausting to hold back my truth. A common narrative I hear often in the LGBTQ community is that coming out is risky. People risk losing employment, housing, and relationships. For me, the risk is worth the payoff. Today I am a happily legally married partner with a beautiful baby, a fluffy cat, and a supportive bonus girlfriend. I found my destination and I'm not leaving.
Lesbian 102: a millennial dyke perspective
6 Things You Should Know Before You Join the Club, by Heather Franck
Step One: Bicycle to Your Local Bookstore
Here are my top picks from my bookshelf. I recommend reading these in order from left to right, there is a natural evolution. Please note that my all time top pick is The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman. I no longer have a copy on my bookshelf because I passed it on to another baby dyke. This life altering book filled in all the gaps from my high school sex ed class. Thanks for nothin', Mr. Ferguson.
Here are my top picks from my bookshelf. I recommend reading these in order from left to right, there is a natural evolution. Please note that my all time top pick is The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman. I no longer have a copy on my bookshelf because I passed it on to another baby dyke. This life altering book filled in all the gaps from my high school sex ed class. Thanks for nothin', Mr. Ferguson.
Dyke-a-Likes
Lesbian Bed Death
Gold Star Lesbian
The Toaster Oven Theory
Uhaul
Lesbian vs. Dyke vs. Queer Woman
Lesbian 103: a millennial dyke perspective
Know Your Resources, by Heather Franck